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Xia XY - My Blahs

Giving my life to it
Thursday, January 18, 2007

Oh my God! I've been a sucker to computers now. Ever since I'd lost all my songs and videos because of a fucked-up motherboard, my life have been crushed. I'm not over-reacting. It's true, since that unfortunate incident, I had not been downloading any songs. Crushed.

I'm no more a song addict which I'm proud of. I haven't been checking out for new songs and new videos. I still love them, but I don't really have the spirit to do so now. And I think I got a reason for this chaos. Yes, it's like the title : Giving my life to it...no one will ever understand how I feel and what I do. No one. Not even my mother.

I have very little confidence in my life. Whatever I do, I doubt. Like exams, I always doubt. I'm not the super confident girl you think I am. That's right, my life is full of doubtful-ness. To tell the truth, I'm a complete failure and I admit it. I'm not creative, I'm not a genius, and I'm not a goody goody girl at all. I have no courage at all to admit the truth.

I don't have goals in life, although I always ask people to aim for something. But I have nothing to aim. Whatever I do is being told to. I'm always on manual. Oh, I'm such a sucker sucker sucker!!

Everytime I think of this, my heart aches. Not because of love, because of my pathetic life. I know what's right and what's wrong, but I always end up and the wrong part. I know it's life, but mine seems empty, I tried hard to make it full, but it always ended up empty. I want something interesting, not something dead.

And the worst thing, I have never fallen in love before. It's been a long time since I have a crush on someone. It's a childhood crush. Ever since, I have little faith in love. And only one person know the reason, he guessed it. And I have to admit it.

Everywhere I go, everyone I see, they are all better than me, I'm like a complete sucker among them. I'm not a socialite, I'm not a braniac and I'm not an athlete. I'm just a loser.

posted by Xia XY - My Blahs @ 8:33 PM,




1 Comments:

At January 18, 2007 at 11:44:00 PM GMT+8, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey girl... Glen commening you.. Hehe.. Don't be like that.. Do you know something? The way you thinking of yourself are same with me.. To tell you the truth, I also always thinking of my life when I grew up.. I thinking of it eveytime.. I mean everytime.. No metter in what condition.. Hehe.. I know... I'm kinda weird guy.. But, I can't help it.. It just pop-out from everywhere.. Hehe.. And my life SUCKS than yours.. Ya.. That the truth.. You said your life always on manual.. Then I tell you something.. My life worst than yours.. My life always on control!!! Yeah... That the truth... I just realized it early this year.. I mean, early year 2007 arr.. Haha.. That the truth.. Of coz, by my parents.. Ermm.. Actually, by my mum only.. Hehe.. Never mind about that.. Let it be.. It's better like this.. No one will blame you in everything.. You can blame them if everything didn't go well.. Right? Haha.. Haih.... -.-'' Never mind.. I already drop it... And you should drop it as well just like me.. Ok.. Hehe...
And you said you are not creative, not a genius and not a goody goody girl at all.. Then how about me? I am worst then you.. You got 1st place in the class.. But me, just 5th.. I got in the top 5 not because I'm hardworking, worm book, genius or anything else.. But I just lucky.. I lucky because I was in the name list of S2B.. By the way, S2B is the worst class in Kian Kok do you noticed that? I guess you didn't.. And I always gets many complain from many teachers.. Like, Karen Mokk, Lance Yong, Cikgu Teh, our Chi teacher (don't knw what exactly his name is.. Hehehe), Syahfidah, and of coz.. I also get complain from the XXX Mr. Chin.. Haih.. Forget it.. We are not talking about me, but you.. Sorry.. Hehehe... Are I am out of the topic? Ermm... Guess I am not?.. But I know I am.... But anyway.. Dont judge yourself by yourself*... (*Hope you understand what I'm trying to say =_=") Ermm.. Anyway, if you tried to jugde yourself,you only saw your bad side even thou actually it was yours good side.. Right? Hehe.. Belive me.. You must belive me.. Because I also the same kind of person you are right now.. But I realize it when I was Junior 2.. Before knowing "EVERYONE".. But sometimes I also will thinking about it again.. I always compare myself to you all.. And the conclusion of my comparing thing, I was at the bottom of you all... Haha.. That's the truth...Ermmm.. I'm out of the topic again right? =_="... Continue with yourself... Ermm. Where was I... Ohh... About the stupid guy that checking you out yesterday(17th Jan).. Just forget about it.. Just forget.. A loser like that guy always like that.. Don't have the chance to know a cool girl just like you.. Just drop it.. If I was at your place, I also will be afraid.. Just take it as your experince.. And the feeling to be notice as cool girl.. Don't take it as I am not serious about this thing.. Ok.. But you better prepare something like... Like... Like... Like the thing that have electic shock de ahh... That thing la... Just for protection... Hehe.. And about the crush and love.. I sure you will found someone that right for you next time.. Just wait.. Not like me.. Never thinking of finding a girlfriend... I just got girlfriend... I mean SISTER.. Like you and me... Diana and me... Tenk and me... Sarah and me.. That kinda thing.. Haha.. I'm tottaly a failure... Sobs.. Sobs.. Sobs.. Back to you... Even thou for now, you still didn't found anybody yet.. You got us, your friend... Haha.. Right.. Tell you a secret, being single better than having gf or bf.. That for sure.. Hehe.. Anyway, I told you sometihng.. I mean my big secret.. Very very very big secret.. I guess no body else can watch your comment right? I guess not.. Then I tells you something.. I am in love in someone... You know the girl... Hehe.. You know.. I will tell you at the end of my comment later.. Hehe.. Ok.. Back to you.. Ermm... Thinking of your manager.. He/she (you didn't mention urs manager gender.. Maybe a aqua???) really DAMN XXXX... For your information, I hates person who selfish.. I mean never thnikng of the other sake or what what what la.. I sure you know what I am talking about.. Hehe.. Just ignore it.. And I am not quite sure what actually going on at your work place... Because I don't know who Kelvin, Din and even 'carrie'*.. *I guess I know 'her'?.. Ok then... Haha... Actually, I want to write a little bit further... Hehe.. And back to my BIG secret.. Hehehe... I am in love that someone we all know.. Hehehe... Ok la... I tell you now.. I am in love with KELLY CLARKSON!!! Hahaha... It's true.. Ok... Even thou it's a 'fake' love.. But it's loveee.. Haha... And I also being in love with in someone else.. You maybe don't know this one de la... I am in love with KELLIE PICKLER!!! She's my second 'fake' love... Haha... =_=".... Ermm.. That's all from me now... And by the way, Sorry if you feels that I am not taking seriously on your blog... But I am serious... But some of them got a little joke.. Cold one... Hehe.. Ehh hmmm...... Anyway, some of my stories that out of the topic are real... Haha.. What I mean is the way you thinking just like me... But I always look to the bright side.. Better than blame everything on myself and just jugde myself like that... Right.. Haa haa.. Try it... It works.. Belive me.. Hahaha.. Ok then.. That's for now... Haha... See you next time........ Hahaha... Cheer up! ^_^ (And sorry if my comment very lan c and got wrong in speeling.. Hehehe..)

 

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